How can I be assertive without being seen as agressive or submissive?
Last week while I was facilitating one of EWN's amazing Corporate Roundtables we hit on a topic that the entire group had thoughts and advice about. The topic was the differences between Assertiveness vs. the extreme we call aggression and the retreat we call submissiveness. In business women are sometimes thought of as either too agressive or too submissive. Here's a definition of Assertiveness I recently read:
- The way we behave depends on how we learned to cope with life as we grew up and most of us will admit that our reactions are not always appropriate or effective. Agression (attack), popularly perceived in our culture as an asset, can produce short term success but at the expense of generating conflict, ill-feeling and damaged relationships. Submissiveness (retreat) may protect us from immediate pain, but at the expense of diminishing self-confidence, giving the impression that we are week individuals of whom others can take advantage. People who are confident, in control and able to relate to others openly and honestly in a spirit of co-operation, enhance their personal effectiveness through assertive behaviour.
Assertiveness Techniques the group came up with:
- Saying what you mean - making your message clear
- Giving and receiving priase without embarrassment
- Saying "No" to unreasonable requests
- Understanding criticism and how it effects ourselves and others
- Giving and receiving criticism effectively
- Asking for what you want
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